Aunt “Melanoma Mary”

My Mommy Dearest’s younger sister, Melanoma Mary, got her nickname from being diagnosed with skin cancer. After that, Aunt….Mary would come to every family function and look over everyone for cancerous moles or questionable skin blotches. This turned into hours and hours of internet medical research and all of us being diagnosed with several illnesses. She is now kind of an unlicensed pseudo family Dr. that everyone laughs at but still goes to with their medical questions.

The other day I went to Aunt Mary’s house and took my insanely expensive bare minimum insurance policy for her to read over and see what it included. I asked Aunt Mary if it included anything for mental health and surprise surprise. Well really not, the thing is essentially worthless unless I am in some sort of freak accident, but then it will only cover up to 5,000 and only if I didn’t go against any of the fine print disqualifiers (being born may be one of them).

Aunt Mary asked why I would want/need mental coverage and of course I told her.

Me: “Well, I’m 24, living at home, broke, in uber student debt, too educated for most jobs and under qualified for the rest, I got a bad haircut the other day (seriously what was I thinking with a radical hair change at this time), I am a looser oh, and I do not have a drivers license.”

Aunt Mary: “Do you know how many unlicensed 24yrs olds are living at home with their parents? I’ll tell you; a lot more than you think.”

I found myself pathetically crying, AGAIN, and tried to change the subject several times. Aunt Mary is like a dog with a bone when she wants to talk something out. Usually I would have been all for it, she has been present when many family fights have gone down and has successfully argued for both sides (amazing), but it was early and I had a long day ahead of me.