Yeah, I like to talk a big game.

Changes have occurred, not the positive ones I had hoped or even the life altering ones that I need. No, my mood has not changed, but the process of dealing with this funk has.
I have been taking pills that my pizza place coworkers have been giving me. Looking back it is amazing I never became a stoner in hs or a crack head because I apparently never learned or had the chance to even practice the just say no speech.

At first, I just knew they were taking pills and they were happy, so I asked for one and got two; two fabulous pills of unknown origin that gave me a boost of motivation. The worry stopped and that part of myself that is always thinking about what I haven’t accomplished and how big of a loser I am quieted down – until the meds ran out.

I have changed because I feel that even when it was really bad years ago, I don’t think I would have just taken random pills from semi acquaintances just to – I don’t even know why.

Another thing is the pizza burns. I was reluctant to learn how to “use” (READ: move pizzas from the top to bottom) oven because I was afraid to get burned. Well, I did and I got burned and it hurt. I’m talking three in long burns on my forearms right around the area that Bestie1 and I put out incense on our arms in hs. The point is: it hurt – for like the first couple of seconds, but then the burn and the lingering sting took me back to when I used scrape my arm and the sting/burn of that. In a way it felt good. I have changed into a sick ass bitch.