Christmas Traditions

The thing I dread most about Christmas time, besides the extended amount of time spent with family, is the dreaded nagging questions about my license status. Mostly it comes from Daddy Dearest’s side of the fam.

I dread, every year, when every single one of them come up to me and ask, “Have you gotten that license yet?” Then, I have to tell them I still haven’t and they always shake their head at me, laugh me off, or offer to help me get over my fear (which is so nice; ty Great Uncle and Aunt!).

This year I do not think I can take it. I sort of snapped at my Great Aunt a couple weeks ago at a jewels party my distant cousin was throwing. Good god the amount of relatives. Anyway, she asked about the license. AGAIN. And I told her I still hadn’t gotten it and she began the schpeal of: I need to get it, when am I going to get it, what am I going to do without it, how will I live, etc. etc. I just got brutally honest and was like Great Aunt, I really have no idea, I don’t think I ever will, I don’t think I can (w/out the assistance of various drugs in my system to calm me the fuck down), and I thought after all these years you guys would quit asking and figure it out that I can’t. A family friend over heard my little, um truth vomit, reply and actually said that if I know I can’t drive and know I’m not comfortable doing it, then good for me. She said there are plenty of people out driving that shouldn’t be and at least I was smart enough to know.

Tonight, we went to Great Aunt’s to wrap presents for a needy family – more family members were present and the q’s were asked again. I answered the same and all of their reply’s where the same. What would the holidays be without traditions?

Conversations

Via text

Mommy Dearest: I am on my way I am getting tired of this

Me: Meeeeee toooooo. I’ll quit my little pt job, get rid of all my friends, and stay home foreverrrr

MD: Do the adult thing get a driver license

Me: I told you already I need pills. This isn’t some fucking excuse. It is a serious mental and psychological disorder. I wouldn’t have come out here if Sister1 wouldn’t have agreed to take me and pick me up if I paid for her gas money both ways.

annoying

Now is not the time to be stirring shit up with me, seriously.

I forgot to mention.......

In the wee hours of Thanksgiving morning, while I lay in bed deciding whether or not I should rise and seize the day or at least shower, in the haze of half awakness I heard Fred and Ginger dialogue. I had fallen asleep with my TV on TCM.

Now, knowing that I am completely off my rocker, I immediately decided that was a good sign and succumbed to sleep again –my mind being soothed by an old RKO score and the taps of Fred and Ginger- only to wake to another Fred and Ginger movie.

A sign from god if any, a Fred and Ginger marathon on Thanksgiving Day, it was the first year I didn’t watch the parade. Lame-o, I know, but Fred and Ginger mean so much to me. After HS, there was this brief year of isolation when I went to Jr college. I literally didn’t go anywhere for months. I was taking online classes and video classes and I only had to venture outside of the house to take tests or remember what the sun looked like. I remember freaking out one day because the family had went to Wal-Mart and left me home alone. I just remember yelling at them that I hadn’t been out of the house in weeks and was going crazy – although at that time I am sure I was well past my sane expiration date.

To pass the time, and I had a lot of time, I watched everything on TV. At that point I had watched everything that had ever aired on TV except this same old black and white movie that PBS would play – Top Hat. One day it was on TCM and I had run out of things to watch, so I watched it and immediately fell in love with Fred and Ginger. I had avoided watching this movie hundreds of times and it had become one of my most favorites. I made Daddy Dearest take me to a new movie place just so I could rent the rest of the movies they were in together. I watched them over and over and over. They made me happy. The movies were simple, silly, fluffy little happy pills of time that I remember.

I woke up to them on Thanksgiving and the simple, silly, fluffy little happy pill feelings came back and for once I woke up happy – the rest of the day, not so much.

loves it

if you clean off your own table, but don't leave a tip - we'll call it even, boo.

annoying

Customers getting 50% off pizzas and not giving a tip. I understand we are in a recession but if you can't afford to tip a dolla stay homeeeeee.